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At a posh English casino, a blackjack dealer and a player with a 13 count are arguing about whether or not a player should tip the dealer. The player says, "When I get dealt bad cards it's not the dealer's fault, so when I get good cards, the dealer obviously has nothing to do with that either, so why should I tip for that?
The dealer replies, "When you eat in a restaurant do you tip your waiter?"
"Yes," says the gambler.
"Well then, the waiter only serves you the food; if it’s good or bad, it’s not up to him.
By the same token, a dealer serves you cards, so you should tip him also."
"Okay," says the gambler, "a waiter gives me what I want. I'll take an 8." |
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| A group of friends spent a week gambling at the blackjack tables in London. One of the men won $1,000,000. He didn't want anyone to find out about it, so he purposely missed his flight and took a later plane home -- arriving back very late. He went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and hid the money in it. The following morning he walked outside and found the money had been stolen. He noticed tracks leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute. On the same street lived a teacher who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man. Grabbing his gun, the enraged man went to get the teacher and took him to the deaf man's house.
" You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my money I'm going to kill him!" he screamed at the teacher. The teacher conveyed the message to his friend, and the deaf-mute replied in sign language, "I hid it in my kitchen under the floorboards."
The teacher turned to the man with the gun and said, "He's not going to tell you. He said he'd prefer to die." |
| Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in the London casinos. The week was great; they all had a great time. After they returned home the men went back to work, during a break they discussed their trip.
The first guy says, "I’m never going back! Since we got back, my old lady flings her arms & hollers, "7 come 11" all night, its impossible to sleep!"
The second guy says "Tell me about it...my old lady played Blackjack the whole time we were there, now she slaps the bed all night and yells "hit me light or hit me hard", and I haven't sleep either!"
The third guy says, "You think that’s bad! My old lady played the slots the whole time we were there, I wake up each morning with a sore dick and an but full of coins." |
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One day little Billy walked in on his mom and dad having sex. "What are you doing?" asked Billy.
"We're playing Blackjack and your mom is a wild card," said his father.
So little Billy walked out and went to his sister’s room where he saw his sister and her boyfriend having sex. "What are you doing?" Billy asked his sister.
" We're playing Blackjack and he's a wild card," said his sister.
So little Billy left and went to his room. A few hours later his father walked in. "What are you doing!" screamed his father.
Little Billy said, "I'm playing Blackjack!"
" But you don’t have a wild card?" said his father.
Little Billy replied, "With a hand like this I don’t need one!" |
A guy walks into a casino and sees a man, a woman,
and a dog at the Poker table. The dog is playing very well. "That¹s a smart dog," the guy says. "Not that smart," says the woman. "When he has a good hand, he wags his tail." |
| One day, at a big casino in Las Vegas, a man yelled out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a penny! Help, help, call an ambulance!"
A stranger came rushing over from a Blackjack table and said “Don’t worry, I know exactly what to do, he’ll be fine”. As he grabbed the boy by his balls, and gave them a squeeze. Out popped the quarter and the man went back to his table as though nothing had happened.
"Thank you! Thank you!" said the father. "Are you a doctor?" he asked
"No," said the stranger. "I’m employed by the IRS. |
A man and his friends were loudly talking about their latest “Blackjack trip” in Vegas. The mans wife who was in the bedroom could hear the whole conversation.
After his friends leave he goes to the bedroom to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" asks the man. "To Las Vegas!” said the wife. “I heard that there are men that will pay me $250 to do what I do for you for free!"
The man appeared speechless as he realized his wife must have heard him talking with his friends, and began packing his suitcase also. "What do you think you are doing?" screamed his wife.
"I'm going to Las Vegas too” said the man, “I want to see you try to live on $400 a year!"
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